The Assam Rape Festival In India Began Last Week

I came across this story on facebook and decided to investigate its authenticity. Apparently, the story was published as a satirical piece on a website famous for pushing the boundaries of good taste in its publications but many don’t know that. Granted India has remained in the news for all the wrong reasons since the gang rape of a student on a bus last year, but I do think the article below, even as a satire, has been written in very poor taste.  The part  that got me scratching my head revolves around a guy claiming he rapes his sisters and her friends “everyday.” Good grief!


Rape in India

Pictured here is the starting of last year’s Assam Rape Festival, which locals say was a big success.

Assam, INDIA — Men in India are already beginning to celebrate as the annual Assam Rape Festival is just days away. Every non-married girl age 7-16 will have the chance to flee to safety or get raped.

Madhuban Ahluwalia who heads up the annual festival told reporters why the event is so important. “This is a long time tradition in Assam dating back thousands of years,” says Ahluwalia. “We rape the evil demons out of the girls, otherwise they will cheat on us and we will be forced to kill them. So it is necessary for everyone.”

The Assam Festival began in 43 BC when Baalkrishan Tamil Nadu raped everyone in his village of Doomdooma. Baalkrishan Tamil Nadu is remembered every year at this event, in fact the trophy given to the man with the most rapes is called “The Baalkrishan”.

24-year-old Harikrishna Majumdar told reporters that he has been training all year for this event. “I’m going to get the most rapes this year. I’ve been practicing all year. I rape my sister and her friends every day. I will be rape superstar number one! I will get the Baalkrishan prize this year for sure!”

12-year-old Jaitashri Majumdar told reporters she almost made it through last year’s festival without getting raped. “I came so close to not getting raped. I almost got to the ‘rape-free-zone’ at the edge of town, but at the last minute 9 men jumped on me and raped me. Luckily I am just recovering now so I can participate in this year’s events, otherwise I would be put to death by stoning.”

34-year-old Brian Barnett from Toronto who is visiting Assam on business told reporters he will be missing the festivities this year. “My company did not tell me anything about a rape festival happening while I was here. Are you serious, a rape festival? I’m getting the f*ck out of this backwards country tonight.”

India is second in reported rapes in the world only behind the United States, though critics are quick to point out that is only because most rapes in India go unreported. For more information about the festival or if you would like to participate, please call the 24-hour India Rape Festival hotline at (785) 273-0325


12 thoughts on “The Assam Rape Festival In India Began Last Week

  1. why do not govt do something about this…instead of ignoring matters..and acting like kids to stay away from all kinds of trouble..and bloody only trouncing the weak..

  2. I ask the reporter and editor of the so called news group to come in Assam and identify the place where this festival is going to take place and place evidence where earlier this festival took place. My self born, brought up and still residing in Assam and never ever listen this kind of festival. In Assam woman gets a very special respects no matter from where she belongs too. This is just a fake story of sick mentality. This news is taken very seriously by the people of Assam and I challenge the reporter and editor of the so called news group and place authenticity of the report before the local media.

  3. Pingback: QuirkyGen News: Sunday 10 Nov | QuiRkyGen

    • Good day Kundan. I am really flattered by your request but I am not from India. I am Nigeria. I am perfectly happy to support you though. Let me know if there is anyway we can work together because it appears we have similar social problems.

      • Hi. Sorry for the late reply. Have been real busy with work so I have not really done much blogging this week. I have put your link in and will encourage readers to visit the site. Good job by the way. Also, I understand Devaan is also an Indian name? Can you tell me what it means? In my language It means “I have stopped crying.”

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